Back from the Holiday

I ent on holiday. It was five weeks. I thought about putting a cola bottle of water and a bucket of food in the cage -  a whole five weeks worth, but then I thought it’d probably all go wrong by the third week, so I found a rat sitter.

Oreo and Trudy charmed her pants off. They were on top form, blinking cutely and wiggling their noses and shoulder snuggling.

I didn’t get any e-mails on how they were doing, despite promises. Tch.

Upon returning, I was assured they’d been little darlings and they’d bee the star attraction of the household for the entire time, and done astoundingly winsome and cute things the whole time, as well as failing to savage anyone or perform any feats of  egregious bad behaviour, and had even learned to snuggle up in the hammock.

Which astounded me because I couldn’t get them to use it, but apparently the big draw if the hammock is being able to lie in it and drape one’s pointy little nose out and stare fixedly at people.

After I got the vermin back, I moved them down tot he same room as the computer, partly for warmth, partly because it seems cruel to move them from an active environment to a comparatively quieter one… so they can now listen to the same music as me and watch the same videos. They like CSI, it turns out.

The only downside is listening to them pounce on each other and powergroom each other’s heads until protest squeaks occur, and the creepy feeling one gets upon turning around and finding a rat is perched on the edge of the platform in the cage, and is watching me in the manner of a vulture…

Things you didn’t know about rats

1. Once you pull the pin, Mr. Rat is no longer your friend.
2. When their whiskers wiggle, it’s because they’re trying to read your thoughts.
3. Rats laugh, but they never sing alone.
4. They prefer to duet.
5. Unlesss they can get a quartet together.
6. Rats have a genetic memory that enables them to mime from birth.
7. Rats would have evolved thumbs and taken over the world, but it’s against their religion.
8. A rat dies every time you say “I don’t believe in rats”.
9. Rats are too intelligent to get into a fight with Bruce Schnieier over security. They don’t buy hard drives with linear encryption either.
10. Rats like listening to David Byrne.

The case of the screaming rat

I pulled out the nest, took the top off and had a word with the rats.

“Time to clean the cage and this nest” I said.

Trudy stared at me and whispered… “No… not… THE BOX!”

Oreo looked around. “But we don’t need it! Look, this bedding’s all clean, not a crumb!” she said, kicking some fluff over her stash. “Look, not a mark, beautiful yellow colour. So, y’know, thanks but...”

I stared. “The bedding is supposed to be white.” I pointed out.

Trudy reeled around clutching her chest… “The… BOX!” she squeaked.

Oroe squinted at me. “No I’m pretty sure yellow is much nicer.” she said, ignoring Trudy’s theatrics.

I picked them both up and put them into the carry case. Trudy rattled her little tin cup on the airholes. Oreo watched and looked for something to pee on.

Ten minutes of scooping and binning, water swapping, food bowl filling and  nest cleaning later, I opened up the carry case and extrated Thing One and Thing Two. “Look, it’s all clen and nice!” I said. Trudy looked it over.

“I like what you’ve done with the nest” she said, “Al that white makes it looks so much bigger but the ferret footprint motif somewhat detracts from the stylistic integrity” she notes. I’m not letting her watch the lifestyle channel any more.

Oreo peered at it, mouth full of hastily grabbed food. “All my work… undone” she sighed.

I petted her comfortingly. Then I thought better of it. “You smell like your bedding!” i said.

“And?” asked Oreo.

“And… Bathtime” I explained.

*splosh*

“BASTAAAARD!” said Oreo, spitting warm water. Then I towelled her dry and put her back in her nest to sulk.

“Ooh, is this a new game?” Trudy asked. I noted she was also looking slightly yellow…

*splosh*

And that’s when I found out that Trudy hates baths. I sat her with her feet on the bottom of the sink, with nice warm water around her and held her gently so her head was well clear of the water. And she screamed.

Me: “Come on Trudy, relax. Rats can swim you know.”
Trudy: “EEE! EEE! EEE!”
Me: ”I haven’t even dunked you or used shampoo!”
Trudy: “EEE! EEE! EEE! [pause for breath] EEE! EEE! EEE!”
Me: ”OK. Towel time.”
Trudy: “Mm. Well this is nicer but I’m never forgiving you.”

Public information announcement

Duct tape. Your rats will be fascinated by duct tape. But duct tape and rats do not mix.

Do not duct tape your rat

Seriously.

IT’s like *tug* SKREEK! *tug* SKREEK! “Hold Still” *tug* SKREEK!.

Next time I’m dunking her in warm water and shampoo for the afternoon, even if she does think I’m trying to drown her.

Pick me up!

Oreo was suspiciously eager to come out and play and be picked up this morning. A quick check of the weather report showed -4c temperatures (In Fahrenheit thats about "Learn Metric"). Even though the thermometer showed 15c, I think she just wanted me to hold her so she could warm her feet...

As per usual, Trudy was her usual friendly self, stretching out for some tooth purring and pets, until Oreo climbed under her.

Eyedrops

Does this sound familiar to you?

Me: OK I'll hold you here...
Oreo: The hell you will! *FLAIL*
ME: Holds still!
Oreo: [rotating 108 degrees inside her own skin]
Me: It's for your own good!
Oreo: [Attempts to climb out of her own arsehole]
Me: It won't hurt!
Oreo: [Blinking madly]
Me: I think some possibly went in 
Oreo: [Climbs into her nest and glares]
Me: Have a treat?
Trudy: leans in from out of shot, grabs the treat and runs off.
Me: …
Oreo: Even if you had another, there’s no way I’m getting out of this nest ever again.

Oreo’s eyes pt. III

The vet looked at Oreo. Oreo looked back. Quietly I whistled the intro from “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”.

“It’s conjunctivitis.” said the vet at maximum volume. I think she thought I was deaf. Then she proceeded to polish Oreo’s eyeballs with a water soaked piece of cotton wool.

Oreo was not amused. But she didn’t bite, claw or hiss at anyone.

She gets eye-drops every 12 hours, if I can ever persuade her to come out of her new nest and stop sulking. Trudy also wants to know why I am now so interested at peering at her eyes all the time.

Oreo also met a lot of random people, many of who said something along the lines of “Ugh!! Rats! Oh I hate rats! Oh isn’t she sweet!”

Oreo deigned to emit Kyootrinos* until we got back home. SHe may never forgive me**, especially when I start pinning her down and dripping eyedrops into her eyes.

* Kyootrinos along with Kyuons and the theoretical Fuzzy-Snuggon are jsut a few of the sub atomic particles of Cute. The long term exposure to a Kyootrino generator can result in buying MLP, or plush kitten dolls, and mis-use of the colour pink.
** Rats will remember an insult for hours, or until you make with the yummies and back rubs.

Oreo’s Eyes Pt. II

I got home with new rat food, rat litter and rat nesting type items. I looked into the carry case o’ isolation and…

Oreo had kicked all her bedding into the water bowl, crapped three times her own body weight onto the floor of the carrier and pee’d on anything she couldn’t fit into the water bowl. She was stood in the corner with her nose jammed into a vent possibly to get away from the smell.

I picked her out and she glares at me with mad shiny black eyes. Flawless mad shiny black eyes.

Yup. Not a blemish on them. I got slightly mauled trying to hold her to check.

Now I’m thinking that either whatever it was on her eyes has cleared up, or it was never a problem anyway – eye goo or a little gnawed up cardboard and Oreo just walked around with it on her eye for a day, then when I left her in the carry case, she washed it off or whatever.

I showed Trudy the new food. She picked out a slice of bean and then spent the next few minutes running around, nosing the new nest box while carrying it.

Rats: Lose 1d6 sanity points every turn.

Oreos eyes

Looks like Oreo has something wrong with her eyes. SInce a day or so ago, she’s developed large pale blemishes on both eyes. She’s now in isolation in the carry case so she doesn’t spread it around. You can assume she’s thrilled. I’m going to get her in at the Vet ASAP.

Bathed the rats

They hated it.

The great escape

I accidentally left the cage door open. 12 hours later, Oreo was still perched int he ipen door, staring wildly around, and Trudy had escaped to freedom.

Where “Escaped” means Oreo pushed Trudy off the edge of the cage or something, because I don’t think Trudy would have jumped on her own.

Trudy found the bag of treats, inhaled half, left a truly epic pile of turds, located a pile of dirty laundry, climbed in, chewed up a shirt and went to sleep.

Fortunatley it was an old shirt. I’m sure she’s probably nibbled her way through some other prized possessions, wires, priceless antiques, etc.

So I de-laundried her, turned her upside down and let Oreo* maul her for a bit.

*Where “Mauled” is equal to “Sniffed then stepped on in order to run up to  one shoulder”.

Moar Rat

Well the girls a re a lot bigger now. They’re still weirdos though.

They refuse any bedding that’s not a paper towel or sheet of brown paper, they won’t use the hammock they’ve been bought and the playpen? No. Not happening. Especially now they’ve worked out they can just jump out of it.

Oreo is becoming less sociable. She’s better at being picked up but has started peeing on everything and crapping while shoulder surfing.

Trudy on the other hand continues to be a model rat. She snuggles, she comes out to play, she’s nice about being picked up – she doesn’t lunge and grab for food, pee on clothes or drop rat turds outside the litterbox.

however if I have both girls out, Oreo spends all ehr time following Trudy, nosing under her, pushing her, stepping on her, making her squeak. I had wondered why apropos of nothing Trudy has suddenly taken up shirt diving – turns out she just wants to get away from Oreo.

I have Trudy out on her own now. So far she’s cuddled up for petting two or three times, sat and groomed, had a run around and even curled up and napped without leaving any wet spots. If Oreo had been out, she’d have run over and pushed Trudy around the moment she settled.

So I’m not going to let Oreo shoulder surf any more. That and the dozens o scratches on my hands and arms where Oreo has casually sunk her claws in while scrabbling around, the nibbled holes in my hooded top and the way she likes to hold onto my pony tail and swing around or lunge and grab for treats in a manner that’s nearly resulted in perforated fingers suggests she’s not into  being friendly.

That said I did get the pleasure of watching her fall into her water bowl the other day. That and the way she stuffed a food pellet into her mouth and then got all frantic because she wouldn’t put it down, but also couldn’t then pick up another piece of food…

The rats are starving

I know they are. They tell me so.

Trudy: You forgot to feed us.

Oreo: We haven’t eaten in days!

Trudy: We’re wasting away!

Oreo: See, our food bowl is empty… You’re so cruel to us *snif*

Cupro: I can see your food bowl is empty…

Trudy: [With mouth full] We affen ad any food fer agef.

Oreo: [Lies in bed and quivers feebly] So… hungry…

Cupro: [looking at huge pile of stashed food with a small piece of bedding draped over the top]
I see… And what happened to all that food I gave you half an hour ago, which I hand fed you, for lo, you are a pair of lazy rats who won’t play in the playpen I made you, and consequently are turning into fat little so-and-sos?

[Trudy & Oreo contrive to look innocent]

They lie though their pointy teeth. Teeth I might add, which they wear down on the gnaw toys they have, in between gorging themselves on the food they claim they don’t have and the treats they demand.

In fact, Trudy’s put on a sudden growth spurt and is larger than Oreo. She#s well on her way to being a squishy tubby ratty. Oreo may spend all day in bed, but I suspect that just gives Trudy time to eat Oreo’s dinner.

DO Trudy and Oreo snore?

No.How do I know? Trudy is sleeping with her head tucked under my ear and Oreo is asleep, using my hood as a hammock, and neither of them are snoring, even slightly

Yeah, it’s cute. But if Oreo is marinating my hood, I’m putting her in the shower.

The hoody

I put on my Wisconsin Badgers hooded top. Trudy has declared it the best thing ever and has taken up residence in the hood, whether it’s up or down, and doesn’t seem inclined to ever leave. I think Oreo’s been spending a little too much time kicking her out of the nest and otherwise leaping up and down on her.

The Rat Pen

Trudy hates new places.

And now for something not very different

Vermintrude curled up apparently sitting on her own head while napping. Oreo behind her eating one of the ratfood nuggets form the quite impressively huge stash they managed to hide under a piece of paper.

I have real bedding for them but they tend to kick it around and ignore it. Show them a scrap of brown paper or some paper kitchen towel and they’re in ratty heaven. The glee with which they dash around, dragging it all back is a wonder.

Oreo is so keen to build her nest that often she doesn’t wait for Trudy to move first.

Counting my rat’s nipples

So there I am, trying to tempt a rat into climbing up the bars so I can see if she has nipples.

If you’re a rat owner you know why. For everyone else, the reason is that Oreo is looking suspiciously like she swallowed a pingpong ball. I think she might be pregnant. She’s been getting moody, she’s been wolfing down food, she doesn’t like to leave the nest unless there’s nesting material around in which case she’s manic. Also I’ve had them just about three weeks, about right or Oreo to have been knocked up and about to produce a litter… in fact it’s about the last practical date. Any longer and I can safely assume she’s just a fat moody so-and-so.

And if she is pregnant, her nipples should be showing. Maybe.

So there I am… trying to see her nipples. I feel like such a perv.

Rat stuff

I mean “stuff” as in “Stuff to put in the cage”.

Toys mostly. a ball that drops treats a mini Kong or doing the same. a jingle ball… and a carrier box to put them in when I need to move tehm around or simply clean the  cage.

Oreo poked the jingle ball and treat ball and went back to bed.

Trudy ignored them. I tried the mini ring size rat groomer… they loved it, but only insofar as they seemed to want to eat it.

The carry box? Oreo sat in a corner and looked mildly perturbed. Trudy wigged out. I mean she was scrabbling and chewing and clawing at the lid to get out. I’ve never seen her so freaked.

Let sleeping rats lie

Trudy just draped herself across the back of my neck and went to sleep with her chin on my shoulder… and my camera is upstairs so I can’t get a picture…