Back from the Holiday

I ent on holiday. It was five weeks. I thought about putting a cola bottle of water and a bucket of food in the cage -  a whole five weeks worth, but then I thought it’d probably all go wrong by the third week, so I found a rat sitter.

Oreo and Trudy charmed her pants off. They were on top form, blinking cutely and wiggling their noses and shoulder snuggling.

I didn’t get any e-mails on how they were doing, despite promises. Tch.

Upon returning, I was assured they’d been little darlings and they’d bee the star attraction of the household for the entire time, and done astoundingly winsome and cute things the whole time, as well as failing to savage anyone or perform any feats of  egregious bad behaviour, and had even learned to snuggle up in the hammock.

Which astounded me because I couldn’t get them to use it, but apparently the big draw if the hammock is being able to lie in it and drape one’s pointy little nose out and stare fixedly at people.

After I got the vermin back, I moved them down tot he same room as the computer, partly for warmth, partly because it seems cruel to move them from an active environment to a comparatively quieter one… so they can now listen to the same music as me and watch the same videos. They like CSI, it turns out.

The only downside is listening to them pounce on each other and powergroom each other’s heads until protest squeaks occur, and the creepy feeling one gets upon turning around and finding a rat is perched on the edge of the platform in the cage, and is watching me in the manner of a vulture…

Things you didn’t know about rats

1. Once you pull the pin, Mr. Rat is no longer your friend.
2. When their whiskers wiggle, it’s because they’re trying to read your thoughts.
3. Rats laugh, but they never sing alone.
4. They prefer to duet.
5. Unlesss they can get a quartet together.
6. Rats have a genetic memory that enables them to mime from birth.
7. Rats would have evolved thumbs and taken over the world, but it’s against their religion.
8. A rat dies every time you say “I don’t believe in rats”.
9. Rats are too intelligent to get into a fight with Bruce Schnieier over security. They don’t buy hard drives with linear encryption either.
10. Rats like listening to David Byrne.

The case of the screaming rat

I pulled out the nest, took the top off and had a word with the rats.

“Time to clean the cage and this nest” I said.

Trudy stared at me and whispered… “No… not… THE BOX!”

Oreo looked around. “But we don’t need it! Look, this bedding’s all clean, not a crumb!” she said, kicking some fluff over her stash. “Look, not a mark, beautiful yellow colour. So, y’know, thanks but...”

I stared. “The bedding is supposed to be white.” I pointed out.

Trudy reeled around clutching her chest… “The… BOX!” she squeaked.

Oroe squinted at me. “No I’m pretty sure yellow is much nicer.” she said, ignoring Trudy’s theatrics.

I picked them both up and put them into the carry case. Trudy rattled her little tin cup on the airholes. Oreo watched and looked for something to pee on.

Ten minutes of scooping and binning, water swapping, food bowl filling and  nest cleaning later, I opened up the carry case and extrated Thing One and Thing Two. “Look, it’s all clen and nice!” I said. Trudy looked it over.

“I like what you’ve done with the nest” she said, “Al that white makes it looks so much bigger but the ferret footprint motif somewhat detracts from the stylistic integrity” she notes. I’m not letting her watch the lifestyle channel any more.

Oreo peered at it, mouth full of hastily grabbed food. “All my work… undone” she sighed.

I petted her comfortingly. Then I thought better of it. “You smell like your bedding!” i said.

“And?” asked Oreo.

“And… Bathtime” I explained.

*splosh*

“BASTAAAARD!” said Oreo, spitting warm water. Then I towelled her dry and put her back in her nest to sulk.

“Ooh, is this a new game?” Trudy asked. I noted she was also looking slightly yellow…

*splosh*

And that’s when I found out that Trudy hates baths. I sat her with her feet on the bottom of the sink, with nice warm water around her and held her gently so her head was well clear of the water. And she screamed.

Me: “Come on Trudy, relax. Rats can swim you know.”
Trudy: “EEE! EEE! EEE!”
Me: ”I haven’t even dunked you or used shampoo!”
Trudy: “EEE! EEE! EEE! [pause for breath] EEE! EEE! EEE!”
Me: ”OK. Towel time.”
Trudy: “Mm. Well this is nicer but I’m never forgiving you.”

Public information announcement

Duct tape. Your rats will be fascinated by duct tape. But duct tape and rats do not mix.

Do not duct tape your rat

Seriously.

IT’s like *tug* SKREEK! *tug* SKREEK! “Hold Still” *tug* SKREEK!.

Next time I’m dunking her in warm water and shampoo for the afternoon, even if she does think I’m trying to drown her.

Pick me up!

Oreo was suspiciously eager to come out and play and be picked up this morning. A quick check of the weather report showed -4c temperatures (In Fahrenheit thats about "Learn Metric"). Even though the thermometer showed 15c, I think she just wanted me to hold her so she could warm her feet...

As per usual, Trudy was her usual friendly self, stretching out for some tooth purring and pets, until Oreo climbed under her.

Eyedrops

Does this sound familiar to you?

Me: OK I'll hold you here...
Oreo: The hell you will! *FLAIL*
ME: Holds still!
Oreo: [rotating 108 degrees inside her own skin]
Me: It's for your own good!
Oreo: [Attempts to climb out of her own arsehole]
Me: It won't hurt!
Oreo: [Blinking madly]
Me: I think some possibly went in 
Oreo: [Climbs into her nest and glares]
Me: Have a treat?
Trudy: leans in from out of shot, grabs the treat and runs off.
Me: …
Oreo: Even if you had another, there’s no way I’m getting out of this nest ever again.

Oreo’s eyes pt. III

The vet looked at Oreo. Oreo looked back. Quietly I whistled the intro from “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”.

“It’s conjunctivitis.” said the vet at maximum volume. I think she thought I was deaf. Then she proceeded to polish Oreo’s eyeballs with a water soaked piece of cotton wool.

Oreo was not amused. But she didn’t bite, claw or hiss at anyone.

She gets eye-drops every 12 hours, if I can ever persuade her to come out of her new nest and stop sulking. Trudy also wants to know why I am now so interested at peering at her eyes all the time.

Oreo also met a lot of random people, many of who said something along the lines of “Ugh!! Rats! Oh I hate rats! Oh isn’t she sweet!”

Oreo deigned to emit Kyootrinos* until we got back home. SHe may never forgive me**, especially when I start pinning her down and dripping eyedrops into her eyes.

* Kyootrinos along with Kyuons and the theoretical Fuzzy-Snuggon are jsut a few of the sub atomic particles of Cute. The long term exposure to a Kyootrino generator can result in buying MLP, or plush kitten dolls, and mis-use of the colour pink.
** Rats will remember an insult for hours, or until you make with the yummies and back rubs.